I am now at the end of my powers. Is morning the 2nd on September. I barely feel like waking up. I fell an strong delusion, I think there is nothing there in the world waiting for me...
I do not know if you have ever felt this way, is a strong feeling that overwhelms you and your body and mind feel like frozen. You are in a hole, a black hole and you see no light either-way. What should I do... go back home ask my parents for money. Wish it was so easy, but they do not have those money either.
I need to be up, open my PC and look for some job, anything that shall help me make a living. So I open the job sites, verify if I have any mails for job interviews and I get no news... good or bad.
In my prior search online I have often encountered the position of chat girl that gains 1000-2000 euro. I decide to look into it. So I find an announcement related and I apply. I feel like I have disappointed my family, lowered my life's expectations by doing it. Even typing seems unreal, my fingers are not the ones doing the writing, it just feels like there is somebody else writing instead of me. This might have been the first time I saw my other half, not so ladylike and making me to feel ashamed. After writing this email i feel exhausted, so tired like after doing exercise. I feel like taking a brake and cutting me of from the picture, it feels unnatural. While struggling with my emotions I did my mention I have an email in my inbox. Is from the casting agency and they are calling me for an interview that same day. My air seems insufficient, my blood seems to warm. What should I do? I somehow sent the mail hoping to get no answer, to have a getaway somehow in my twisted mind it was not so real until now I have an interview, I have to go there. My mind is running ideas, cannot stay still, I feel fear, exhaustion, need to cry to scream to make myself invisible, to disappear from the sight of the Earth. Thinking that my fingers touch the keyboards and writing a formal answer into saying no, refusing to go the interview.
And this was the first time I entered into Caty's World, first time I have met her. I was able to reduce her enthusiasm and be a broke student. But for how long?
I do not know if you have ever felt this way, is a strong feeling that overwhelms you and your body and mind feel like frozen. You are in a hole, a black hole and you see no light either-way. What should I do... go back home ask my parents for money. Wish it was so easy, but they do not have those money either.
I need to be up, open my PC and look for some job, anything that shall help me make a living. So I open the job sites, verify if I have any mails for job interviews and I get no news... good or bad.
In my prior search online I have often encountered the position of chat girl that gains 1000-2000 euro. I decide to look into it. So I find an announcement related and I apply. I feel like I have disappointed my family, lowered my life's expectations by doing it. Even typing seems unreal, my fingers are not the ones doing the writing, it just feels like there is somebody else writing instead of me. This might have been the first time I saw my other half, not so ladylike and making me to feel ashamed. After writing this email i feel exhausted, so tired like after doing exercise. I feel like taking a brake and cutting me of from the picture, it feels unnatural. While struggling with my emotions I did my mention I have an email in my inbox. Is from the casting agency and they are calling me for an interview that same day. My air seems insufficient, my blood seems to warm. What should I do? I somehow sent the mail hoping to get no answer, to have a getaway somehow in my twisted mind it was not so real until now I have an interview, I have to go there. My mind is running ideas, cannot stay still, I feel fear, exhaustion, need to cry to scream to make myself invisible, to disappear from the sight of the Earth. Thinking that my fingers touch the keyboards and writing a formal answer into saying no, refusing to go the interview.
And this was the first time I entered into Caty's World, first time I have met her. I was able to reduce her enthusiasm and be a broke student. But for how long?
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